Monday, December 1, 2014

The meandering path

So maybe its no small surprise that I have several blogs. None of which I can actually keep up with on a regular basis. I get very caught up in my non-digital life and its consuming nature. Its also no surprise to those familiar with fear, change, and anxiety how they impact that non-digital life and take you on a long winded "shortcut" aka detour through life.  I wrote on my new budding blog POMO about those disruptions and impact. While not a thorough analysis of how I feel and its total impact on my life, it is a short synopsis of where I am at and where I hope to go.
In the last post I mentioned my sewing funk and a class I took at NCSU. Well, to be perfectly honest, I stayed in that sewing funk for most of the rest of the year. On the plus side I also finished the certificate of Textile Technology at NCSU I've been working on since last year.
Depression and anxiety do weird things with your life. It alters how you interact with your reality. For me, where there once was joy, there was now pain. I did not enjoy many of the things that once were of great fulfillment. My feelings of frustration begat more feelings of frustration which begat even more feelings of frustration and so on and so on and so on. Fear of change prevented me from making advances and taking chances. Depression kept me from doing anything about it.
At some point being mad at yourself for being frustrated gets really old. I let myself linger in that place for way longer than I would have wanted (or most people would tolerate in others). I moved late in the summer after a long and arduous house hunt where I found the situation more and more isolating. I feel better now than I did for most of the year. I don't feel great but I feel I am on the path or at least on A path.
I am choosing to share this with the wider world in hopes that others can come forward about their experiences with fear, anxiety, and depression. I am also hopeful that by sharing I can help myself by seeking the help I should have months ago and that I can encourage others to do the same for themselves.
I am choosing to take the slow path for my POMO project as I still don't know what I want to make fully of it. As I carefully share my ideas with friends and family it seems to get a lot of positive encouragement. I think this will be a pretty cool ride.

I will leave you off for the time being with a fabulous shot of me in a pink jumpsuit that I threw together for a trip to New Orleans last May.